


Feel Love

by chrisney



Category: Glee, Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-24
Updated: 2012-02-24
Packaged: 2018-01-12 13:42:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1187400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrisney/pseuds/chrisney
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's everything you want to be, so just be it." - "Feel Love" by Michael Van London </p><p>5 different days where Chris may not have seen his feelings coming, but had the good sense to just let them happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feel Love

**Author's Note:**

> A companion to Facets, but technically this comes first.

It's in everything, Chris thinks.  
It's in the way that Darren squeezes just above his hips when he pulls Chris close for a morning hug, and in the way his fingers feel different, like they've molded to fit Darren's own in between them that much better. The way a nighttime breeze ruffles through Darren's curls when they're walking between street lamps and Chris tries to count the different hues of brown he sees before they disappear again.   
  
At present, though, it's in the way the back of his shirt is getting damp from the grass they're laying on and in the way he doesn't even mind.  
  
"It's clearly an elephant, Chris. I don't know what you're talking about." Darren's hands fly in and out of Chris's field of vision as he gesticulates at the clouds above them.   
  
"You're an awful cloud watcher. An elephant? That's hardly original."  
  
Darren snorts. "Yeah, because a medieval castle is so  _very_  inventive."  
  
"You're just mad that I saw the hedgehog first," Chris retorts, and it's in the way he rolls his head to the side into Darren's shoulder and inhales his scent without thinking about it.   
  
Darren's laugh vibrates them both, and his arm maneuvers until a hand comes to rest in Chris's hair, stroking lightly. "Honey, it's not a contest," he answers, and it's in the way that coming from Darren, the endearment can come out sounding perfectly genuine and not at all condescending.   
  
Chris hums into Darren's side and his eyes flutter shut lazily. "But I still won, right?"  
  
"Yeah, you still won." Darren catches Chris yawning and carefully slides his iPhone out of his back pocket, setting an alarm for an hour later.   
  
"What're you doing?" Chris mumbles while he's shifting to get comfortable. Their legs slot together and Chris paws at Darren's chest until he scoots forward so Chris can snuggle into him.  
  
"Being responsible."  
  
"Well, stop it."   
  
And it's in the way they drift off together, their breathing slowing syncing. They're silently and mutually grateful for both the short rest and the fact that neither of them gave a second thought to the idea of napping on a hilltop behind Paramount on their lunch.  
  
If Chris sunburns while they're up there, well, makeup learned to stop asking questions a long time ago.

________________________

He never expected love for a single person to become so all-encompassing, so consuming, and Chris begins to see it in places he never thought to look.

He walks past a corner flower stand on the way to pick up Bisquick and turkey bacon, and remembers the hibiscus blooms that his mother used to keep in a window planter. He makes pancakes for himself and grabs the blueberry syrup instead of maple on instinct, even though Darren is out on an interview that morning.

Later, toes curling and fingers scrabbling for purchase on his cream colored sheets, he'll go silent when Darren makes him come for the first time, because there's no sound to make that can describe the way he feels utterly held together and complete when he should be vulnerable and wrecked. 

Chris had always thought there'd be compromise and aches and broken promises that would swallow him like quicksand. His expectations were nothing like how all of this ended up, and three years ago that would've been disconcerting. Under any other circumstances, with any other people, he's sure it would worry him  _still_. But it doesn't. 

And it's there, in how out of all the people and all the ways there could be, there's Darren.

________________________

  
The next one snuck up on him- the feeling that bloomed inside his chest the first time he thought about a joint future, with backyards and repainting and inevitable age spots. It was foreign, but not unpleasant like he'd always anticipated, and so now it's why Chris lingers behind Darren when they walk through the courtyard of their apartment complex on weekday mornings; so he can see Darren smile softly at the kids waiting impatiently for their parents to catch up with them, cartoon backpacks and lunches with the crusts cut off in hand. It's the feeling that makes him consider which one of them would make a better parent, but the way Darren meets Chris's eyes and squeezes his hand when Chris finally catches up that makes him think they're meant to wait and find out together.

Chris never called of all these thoughts "settling down," but he supposes that's the proper term for it. One day, he'd like to be free of Fraturday shoots and editing deadlines and 6 AM conference calls with his publisher. It's the distant future, but he feels like he's in a place where he can at least contemplate it. And if Darren's whirlwind ever spins a little slower, well, Chris thinks he'd be okay with picking out carpeting and wall art and measuring square footage if they could do it together while rolling their eyes at the realtor when she wasn't looking. 

________________________

  
It rains at dusk one Thursday, and Chris is home alone so he flicks his laptop shut, puts his glasses on the coffee table, and walks out onto the balcony. He tilts his face up to the sky and lets it run down his cheeks, blinking out the drops that land on his eyelashes. 

While he's ruminating over if being kissed in the rain is more impractical than Audrey Hepburn made it look, he hears the sliding door swish open. Darren goes slow, like he's trying not to spook Chris out of his thoughts. When he's close enough, he puts his palms on Chris's shoulders and feels little sparks in his belly when Chris quietly groans and rocks back into the touch. 

  
He's been in the rain longer than he thought, because his button-down clings to his back wherever Darren runs his hands. Darren's touch settles at the top of Chris's jeans, and he snakes his arms around until he's hugging Chris's core and standing straight enough to rest his chin on Chris's wet shoulder. Darren tries to focus on each point in his body where they're both connected, but all of a sudden Chris is spinning on the spot and barely lets them get their bearings before he's crushing their lips together. He takes advantage of Darren's surprised, open mouth and licks his way in, right to where Darren is kissing back and sucking on Chris's tongue just the way he loves. 

It's in the way they can be fast and slow at the same time, impulsive and predictable, at least to each other. They pull back for air, and Darren is sure that Chris looks way better with rainwater running down his neck and temples than Paul and Holly ever did. 

________________________

Darren rolls the windows down once they get outside LA limits, and changes over to the carpool lane. The trunk is stuffed with approximately three more pieces of luggage than their two week vacation warrants, but Chris had insisted on bringing all the clothes he never gets to wear while they're filming. 

  
_("You don't understand. I never get to wear_ shirts _, Darren. Just plain_ shirts _. Blaine doesn't have straps and buckles and zippers coming out of every seam."_

_Darren looks over to see Chris piling henley after henley after v-neck into a navy blue suitcase. "You really suffer for your art, don't you?"_

_Chris huffs when the bag won't zip, and shuffles closer so he can kneel on the top of it and try again. "I really do. Which is why I'm wearing the_ shit _out of these poly-cotton blends while I have the chance.")_

"Scenic route or straight up the 5?" Darren asks, glancing over when Chris finally quits fiddling with the iPod and settles in. 

  
"Either way. I was planning on sleeping until you needed me to drive, so don't change on my account."

"Who am I supposed to play car games with if you're sleeping? Slug Bug, Out of State Plate, come on! We're not missing out on our first road trip experiences together because you didn't bring coffee."

"I'm not letting you punch me in the arm the whole way to your parents' house, Darren. You're supposed to make me  _like_ your home."

"Spoilsport."

"You're really ruining our 'ride into the sunset' moment here, let me tell you."

Darren huffs, and Chris knows he would probably cross his arms for dramatic effect if he weren't steering. He wants to lean over until he's resting his head in the curve connecting Darren's neck and shoulder, but he knows there's a center console and at least seven solid hours of freeway in the way. He settles for tucking a few stray curls behind Darren's ear, careful not to jostle his sunglasses. 

And there it is, in the slide of their fingers intertwining over the gear shift and brush of the Pacific breeze over their bare arms. In the way Darren squeezes their palms together and presses his mouth into a line before he talks.

"Do you ever get this, I don't know, this feeling? Just sometimes, the way we are. I just... can't put my finger on it."

Chris thinks about how many different kinds of love there are and how many he knows the name for before he decides on, "Yeah, me too."

The playlist shuffles to a song from the end credits of a movie he saw last week, and Chris catches himself rolling his eyes at the serendipity of it all. It's a little too Disney for his taste, a little too  _Cinderella Story_.

He wouldn't have written it this way, but more than that, he's glad he didn't have to. 


End file.
